The Missing Piece

Oh dear! - sometimes it takes a nudge from people to make us sit up and take notice lol..

Thanks Debs - you are one in a million lol.

I just dont think to blog these days -- silly, when I was here doing it religiously every day for so long...it is sooo time consuming.

I have been a busy bee....taking on both an Accountancy course, a Creative writing course,  and a Modern Languages degree all at the same time - I must be bonkers what?

My weight continues to drop - not as fast as it did at the beginning, but I am slogging on, and hope to be within the bounds of normality by the summer...but I am taking nothing for granted.  I hope that along the way I am gaining some new insights into the 'why I eat the way I do' and 'How do I stop eating the way I do' - but until the pudding is eaten I will never know.  I do know that at Christmas I reverted to type - and did nine pounds worth of damage, but thankfully was able to get back on the straight and narrow in the new year.  This is a complete new thing for me - a revert to type, would ordinarily have meant 3 or 4 years of faffing about, going up and down before I was finally able to gather whatever it is we gather that enables us to do what we have to.

Plod on McDuff and McDuff'esses....a lot of willingness, a little application and a whole barrow load of consistency and it will happen.  It WILL happen!

Blue~

I would never claim that Lighter Life is easy - cos it isnt.  I would never claim that it was the answer for everyone - cos it isnt.  I would never even say that its cheap - cos it isnt...but what I will say is that for today its working for me.

I had my 12th? week weigh today -- and I have officially lost 4stone in 12 weeks...thats 56lbs to those that dont understand stones, and I am quite pleased with that.  I havent done things perfectly, but well enough to have my clothes starting to fall off me - which is good and bad.  Good for my health, bad for my pocket.

I have two huge things coming up in the next month, (huge regarding food that is)....I am to  spend time at a weekend long party here.... http://boyshall.co.uk/   (I have the Windsor Room apparently)...for the weekend of 25/26/27 November -- thats going to be fun if I can manage the food...and then on 9th/10th December I am going to be treated to the whole kit and kaboodle at this place...   Very nice even if'n I do say so myself. Tickets to see 'Wicked' too - its nice to be treated, but fooooood brings a lot of stress into the package....but I can hack it.  I hope.

I need to get my head round both those dates, they are too near Christmas and all that crooked thinking ...you know the sort, 'might as well wait till after Christmas now' sorta thinking ...but I am going to try my hardest not to get derailed. 

Onward ever onward..

Blue~

I guess it is.....

Well its been a few weeks since I was here I spose  - and normally that would mean that I was on a slippery slope to nowhere -- but contrary to that idea - I have actually been doing ok.

I eventually got diagnosed with a fungal infection in my mouth, throat and oesophagus -- dont ask -- they dont know either...and I certainly dont -- but I am sure glad its over and done with.

I was however motivated enough not to be put off by that , or by the ten days I just spent on holiday in Ireland either - where I went out for dinner - but didnt eat - (its easier than it sounds if you are in the right mindset) and even lost 8lbs while on my holiday.

I am now coming into week five of Lighter Life -- five whole weeks without any conventional food - and I cant say its easy -- its £%!"&)"£$ hard in truth...and however much they tell you that when you are in ketosis you dont feel hungry -- they lie!!  Hunger I have decided is a whole bundle more than what goes in your mouth -- or doesnt, its to do with sights, smells, even sounds.  You try listening to someone crunching on a packet of potato chips -- salt and vinegar -- or cheeeeeese and onion and tell me otherwise.

I resorted to nabbing a slice of my daughters garlic bread at the restaurant the other day and rubbing it on my fingers before performing the biggest - noisiest - sniff I could manage......its all in the nose I say lol.

Week 1 -- Lost 15lbs
Week 2 -- Lost 6lbs
Week 3 -- Lost 5lbs
Week 4 -- on hols
Week 5 -- (officially tomorrow - but MY scales say Lost 9lbs)   Total -- 33lbs in 5 weeks, Will wait and see.....but its all good, even if I am heartily sick of vegetable soup - banana milk shake, cranberry and raspberry not so pleasant as it sounds 'bar'.....plod on McDuff.

Later peeps..

Blue~

that I give into a fit of the dreaded lergy! but this week I am not quite sure whats been up with me.

I am either allergic to something in this food - or my toothpaste - not sure which - lets face it nothing else is going in my mouth so its got to be one or the other.

Sore throat, tongue, gums all swollen, buccal mucosa swollen - your guess is as good as mine.

Exclusion -- thats the answer - see what happens. 

I already stopped using the toothpaste - but thats not really made any difference.  Today the sore throat has eased up a little - but it is the swollen gums - relatively although not totally painless, that feels weirdest.

I suspect it is the sawdust bars....the cranberry and raspberry in particular, that leave clinker in your mouth long after you have finished eating -- you can dine on it for half an hour -- and it doesn't soften in all that time, its rather like having old, dry, hard dessicated coconut stuck every where you can get stuff stuck...so maybe its just a sort of traumatic thing - too much sawdust.  So I am leaving the said bars alone for three or four days and see if things get better.

It didnt stop me losing 6lbs this week, total = 1.5 stone, or 21lb in two weeks, I am not grumbling.

I have been plagued by thoughts of the longevity, of what is ahead - it - the end (if there is one) seems miles away, and I know all about projecting and living in the day and one day at a time and all that - but a lot will happen between then and now --check out this link... http://www.fairmont.com/savoy  - yep I have the whole weekend to spend there -- and then check out this link  www.boyshall.co.uk...another weekend to spend there....and then this -- www.thescotsmanhotel.co.uk...some place I have to give a speech at a big dinner, also means a 2 day stay - how am I going to do this stuff - with just a glass of water or a cup of black coffee.....sigh its pretty daunting I have to say.

I ran it past my friend who is also doing LL...and she said 'Oh Blue~ just take the weekends off' but I cant do that -- can I!.. I mean that would be too stupid. 

And that is without a weeks break in Dublin in ten days time, and Christmas and all to boot -- waaaaaaaaaaaa.....but they will come and go - and I will still be here - either doing it or not I spose -- so no point getting in too much of a fizz about it is there. 

Oh well!

Blue~

Well totally done, and I have just been to get weighed, and have lost a gratifying 15lbs...which is nice nice nice.

Of course its a drop in the ocean but none the less its a pretty good start.

What else can I say....its early days? - that its a bit hard to see me doing this for however long it takes? that I dont like soup?  or that the peanut flavoured sawdust bar is quite nice?  they are all true - although the cranberry and raspberry 'yoghurt' coated bar is even nicer -- if you like sawdust.

Week Number two starts now then, shell out the pennies - load up on 'food packs' grit teeth and off we go.

Soo - how did it go today.

I had banana 'Stuff' for 'breakfast --

I had Strawberry 'Stuff' for lunch --

I am now starving hungry but determined.

I might try 'vegetable soup' later on and ummm who knows what number four will be..

I ate 'lunch' out with my son and daughter - they ate - I drank black coffee. Some might think it is almost impossible to eat nothing in a restaurant - while others enjoy their meal around you.  All I can say is that it wasnt.  I made have made a decision that I am going to 'eat out' just as much and as often as we have always done, and I am quite happy to sit with a cup of black coffee and enjoy the company, as I am to munch my way through a huge dinner.  I am also going to make sure that those eating out with me, are 100% reassured about my choice, I would hate them to worry about eating in front of me.  Reassuring them is up to me. 

I drew the line at mixing the 'stuff' up in the restaurant - and as it only has a fifteen minute window to drink before the vitamins degrade, I took shaker thing and 'stuff' with me - and drank it in the car.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

This week I am encouraged to do  the 'personal groundwork' - (homework). The 'module' is called 'Transitions'

It looks at recognising and anticipating the stages I will go through in the process of change - right!!
It will encourage me to look for patterns with regard to my weight and my life issues, and then I am encouraged to design strategies to manage change successfully.   There is some talk of 'ego states' too - all very psychobabble-ish, but I am game to try.

My homework - such as it is, is the decide on a goal for this four week module, Aims and Objectives -- I remember writing a long post about Aims and Objectives once -- if you can find it - you are a better dieter than me gungadin.

There we go - off and running!

Its the third of August, and today I went to see the Lighter Life Counsellor.  Collected my very expensive Lighter Life food packets -- and a sorta workbook - and lots of literature....

To be fair to the woman ....err Hannah, she seems very committed and not just to 'selling the stuff' -- she appears to actually want to help - if for no other reason than that she will be helping herself.

Had my photo taken -- front and side -- you KNOW how much I HATE my photo being taken...but I guess if I am going to do this stuff I have to do as I am told right?  sigh.


There is some sort of effort put into what she calls Transactional Analysis - and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to run alongside this thing - so who knows I might learn something about how I tick...It wouldnt be too soon methinks.

So Banana, Strawberry, with the odd touch of vegetable soup, peanut butter bar and cranberry and raspberry bar (but not till Sunday)....along with some 'free....broth!' and some crystal that mix up into a sort of fruit flavoured drink of some sort -- summer berries I believe.  Thats it -- black tea and coffee.....nothing else -- for the duration!

Oh -- and I had managed to put on 8 pounds between last Thursday and Today - not a record but a pretty good effort I reckon!!! Sigh.

I have one last meal out this evening -- I know - I know, but I am equating it to 'the last supper' -- and then tomorrow I start -- with a vengence.



Blue~

Wanna know the damage....Deep fried Mozarella with tomato and chilli sauce......Pollo Carbonara -- they delight in telling you its got uber amounts of cheese on it.  Hazelnut Bomb....Meringue rolled into a ball with copious amounts of double cream ice cream, and then rolled in hazlenuts and maple syrup to form a thick solid coat of nuts - besides which I finished off Hubby's Pistachio Ice Cream too....he didnt actually start it!! . Coffee and Baileys to follow.......but it was the last supper after all!